180
by Ansy Pansy aka Panz
Summary: Three minutes of Kirsten’s life, a bathroom stall and a pregnancy test. You do the math…                                     CHAPTER TWO UP: Continuation of 180. Kirsten comes out of that bathroom stall 8 minutes later.
1. Three Minutes

**Summary: **Three minutes of Kirsten's life, a bathroom stall and a pregnancy test. You do the math…

**Disclaimer:** It might be over but I haven't managed to somehow steal it!

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There I was mid-exams again and what happens…wham bam fic-attack! I only just managed to get round to finishing it. Just a little thing but enjoy.  
For those lovely people who ask me 'when are you gonna write something else?' particularly SandyKirsten and also for Trinity Is God to welcome her back to the fold!

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**180**

Three Minutes

One

She figured it probably was their own fault. They had what jealous people called far too much sex (if such a thing were possible). True their sex life was the envy of their friends, and they didn't know the half of it, but they'd been careful; there hadn't been any mishaps, so how did she end up here. Here being (another) three minutes of her life wasted waiting in that particular type of agony that comes with uncertainty and fear. There was no way this was happening again.

Leaving it as long as she could was the wrong way to deal, Kirsten knew that. But it was easy to keep pretending, find a hundred and one other reasons for things. Please God let it be paranoia. But little things, nagging, set off shrill alarms in her head, her denial tactics only acting as a snooze function for increasingly short amounts of time. It was too difficult to tell if she was jumping to conclusion, once bitten, twice shy. She was never regular, something that drove someone as methodical and organised as her up the wall. Plus she was mid-finals and stressed far more than a freshman should be. Even Sandy, the finalist, was calmer than she was, but then he did have an acceptance to Berkeley Law in the bag. He was already well established on his path while she was yet to make hers. And this could change everything. There was only one way of knowing.

Sixty

She took the test alone in the third stall of a row of eight in the bathrooms of the local mall. Either side of her doors banged and feet shuffled as people went in and out, people blissfully ignorant that someone's fate was being decided behind the locked door. The test was from the Student Support Centre, free and anonymous. Kirsten didn't think she could ever simply buy one from the drugstore. Not at nineteen anyway. Sure the cashiers saw them every day, didn't remember faces, didn't care, were no doubt too tired of the monotony to judge but Kirsten judged herself. She'd felt strangely calm as she went for it, separate from herself, as though watching the action unfold from the other side of the tv set. Then she'd drifted, mind out of body, across campus to the mall. She couldn't take it at the dorm; have the memory forever ingrained in the bathroom she had to visit every day for the rest of the year. Although the end of the year wasn't so far away she was reminded with a sick, sinking feeling. And then there was Newport, her father and Jimmy and a whole load of things she didn't want to think about on top of this.

One Twenty

It was a stupid test, primitive. Hadn't they come up with anything better yet? Peeing on a stick was one special kind of humiliation. And harder than you'd expect. She read the instructions over and over, praying she hadn't screwed it up. What kind of girl couldn't manage to take a pregnancy test? Perhaps the one who had been (potentially) pregnant twice before she turned twenty.

She'd been too young last time and she didn't feel much older. Jimmy had been too young. Sandy however… Sandy was graduating, he was going to law school; God forbid she be the one to mess all that up. But still, for all his mail-truck-living, pot-smoking habits he was a good guy, a man, a man who would always do the right thing. Abortion didn't really figure in his vocabulary whereas it did in hers. Oh far too vividly. She wished for the thousandth time that it didn't; would make this so much easier. Kirsten's thoughts strayed back to Sandy again, as they were wont to do lately; in class, on the phone to her father, while the watch on her left wrist silently counted down to destiny.

Sandy could never, never know she'd done this. Even if came to nothing. Just never, period. She knew enough from his jokes and throwaway comments that this was something he'd take seriously, something he'd half thought of but wasn't on the cards for a long while. Nevertheless, he wouldn't appreciate the deception, would never forgive her if she took his child's life without his consent. His views had been evident that one drunken night it had come up.

'_You watch it,' he'd slurred, still a little drunk, 'or I'll get you pregnant.'_

'_Oh really?' Kirsten teased back. 'Do you not see several flaws in that plan?'_

'_Hmm…might kinda spoil my fun,' he mused._

'_Yeah, would rather, especially since I'd kill you.'_

'_But then I wouldn't be able to look after the baby.'_

_Kirsten presumed her face must have looked aghast because he quickly continued, his matter-of-fact tone suddenly stumbling, 'I mean…that's rather presumptuous of me…of course, it would...depend and we would, I just meant…if…well, I just thought…'_

_She didn't respond, staring at the duvet awkwardly. _

_Sandy swallowed in the silence. 'So…if…if…well, you'd think about, you know…not?'_

_She shrugged._

'_It would be a life Kirsten, a child…' _

_She'd sighed and closed her eyes. 'Sandy…'_

'_I can't believe you're so blasé about the idea of abortion.'_

_That got her. Not that he knew, but that hurt. He didn't know what it was like to feel terrified of carrying a life. To feel like you have no choice. He would never know. How could he ever understand? Some secrets are best kept hidden._

'_I am __**not**__,' she spat, sitting up. 'Sometimes…things happen…you can't rule anything out. Ethics are very different on paper.'_

'_O-kay...' His tone sounded injured and was he eyeing her suspiciously? _

_There was another silence as she awkwardly lay back down._

'_Would you even tell me?'_

_His eyes were intense; she couldn't avoid the question, wondering desperately how their jokey post-coital chat had derailed so spectacularly. 'I…I don't know,' she answered haltingly and now those eyes just looked hurt, disbelieving._

'_Kirsten…'_

'_I don't know,' she said again and copping out; 'I'm tired.'_

_He'd backed down, sighed and turned off the light. _

'_I'm sorry,' she mumbled into the darkness, tentatively sliding her hand into his. 'I just...'  
Sandy hugged her towards him. 'S'okay, what do either of us know?'_

'_Mmm,' was all she could muster. She knew but she'd rather not think about that. _

'_Love you.'_

'_Love you too.'_

'_Five years…' he began drowsily. 'Five years time, if you haven't pissed me off, I'll get you pregnant!'_

Kirsten half-smiled at the memory. The pot must really have been getting to him. And five years? Five weeks more like.

One Hundred and Eighty

The second hand of her watch, the sweet sixteen present from a father who had missed another birthday, crawled to complete its third circuit. One of three thousand six hundred it would make that day, but the last that she would watch. It flicked past the XII as time sped up again. Another circle purred round unnoticed before she summoned the courage to look. She didn't want to, didn't want to read her fate in a thin blue line.

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And that's it. I've no idea whether it's negative or positive! Is it Seth or a false alarm? I'll let you decide! R&R and I might hopefully get onto some bigger things…

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	2. TGI Friday

**Summary: **Continuation of 180. Kirsten comes out of that bathroom stall 8 minutes later.

**Disclaimer:** It might be over but I haven't managed to somehow steal it!

**---**

So yeah…turned out I couldn't just leave it like that!

Relax. Enjoy. Forget the math; this fic isn't meant to fit into any particular time line. And I for one definitely know the hell that is the O.C. timeline.

For Em.

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TGI Friday

She took a deep breath, and another. This was, perhaps, the second hardest thing she'd ever done. This time was definitely worst than the last. Little things like last week's calculus test, even big things, namely breaking up with Jimmy, paled to insignificance. There was only one thing she knew was worse and the idea of hitting that low a second time filled her with molten fear which solidified inside her, rising up like sickness and choking her throat. Steeling herself for the worst yet desperately trying to block out the thoughts of what the hell she'd do if it came to that, Kirsten screwed her courage 'to the sticking post' and glanced at the test stick.

II

Two lines.

What the fuck did that mean?

She scrabbled for the wrapper. There was a moment of complete silence as Kirsten frantically tried to focus on the symbols, breathing forgotten. She was sure her heart had stopped beating out of fear; she couldn't even hear that. The images were jumbled and she had to shake herself before they were legible.

T error I positive II negative  
T error I positive II negative

II negative

Negative

Negative

Suddenly her heart was thumping again, loudly. A veritable tattoo in her chest. Lungs screamed for air, there was a prickling behind her eyes and tensed muscles began to relax, sinew by sinew. Kirsten sank back onto the toilet seat, breathing slowly and rhythmically against the nausea that threatened to engulf her for no reason now. She quashed worried with each breath.  
It was okay. She'd taken it correctly, she'd waited long enough and not too long (that was past 10 minutes, not the 6 it had taken her to look). They were highly accurate. It had been so unlikely anyway…

It was okay.

When her legs felt strong enough she stood up and bundled the test paraphernalia into the trash. The corner she'd torn off the packet she slipped into her purse, a small, unidentifiable reminder. Squaring her slim shoulders, Kirsten unlocked the cubicle and stepped out into the bathroom she'd barely seen when she entered. She washed and freshened up at the basin, quieting the whirlpool of emotions evident in her eyes. The orbs blue and green with relief, happiness, receding fear and surprisingly, a hint of sadness. She fluffed her hair and managed to crack a smile at her reflection. The Newpsies would freak if they saw her like this. Of course, her makeup was still flawless but it was more minimal than ever, her nails, painted but only with clear polish, had been done herself, the perm had nearly grown out of her hair so it hung in only its natural waves and she planned to keep it that way.

Plus Sandy liked it.

Sandy

Sandy. Simply her boyfriend again and not the father of the potential baby. She liked that too. Kirsten glanced at her watch, he'd be nearly done with his last class of the day and if she hurried she'd make it in time to meet him outside… She hesitated, what if he had plans? Or was with all his friends and didn't want her hanging around? Sometimes it was damn hard dating a senior.

She'd just go she figured; it was his loss and plus, she'd been lucky one today! Decision made Kirsten left the bathroom without looking back.

.

Outside the sun was shining. Kirsten had either forgotten or not noticed what a nice day it was and the weather was a pleasant surprise, the warmth welcome after the chill of the AC inside the mall. Sometimes she really loved California. Especially Berkeley, where the fact it actually rained more than once in a blue moon made the sunshine even better. She blinked in the brightness and set out across campus, footsteps as light as her heart.

The quad was empty when she arrived. It might be five to five but the professors weren't letting classes slack off, even if it was Friday. The senior law class didn't emerge until 10 after, Sandy kidding about with some of the guys in the centre of the stream of students. His law text books were held loosely under one arm, his free hand gesticulating wildly, the story or joke that she was too far away to hear making his friends crack up. His hair was standing on end where he'd obviously run his hand through it repeatedly during the last hour or so. No doubt it had been a dull lecture. Poor Sandy, but he did look damn cute like that. Kirsten saw him glance about and her heart gave a little jump, was he looking for her? She didn't meet him after class that often; they'd only been together a few weeks and she didn't want to push the boundaries, plus it was rare their schedules matched up. Fridays however she was free from eleven and meeting Sandy was a good way to start the weekend. Kirsten watched as he scanned the crowds of students, delighted by the instantaneous grin on his face when his eyes fixed on her. She felt a rush of things she couldn't quite place mingled with affection and desire. A lot of that. It had been a long and stressful week and she wanted her boyfriend. What was wrong with that? Nothing other than the irony that lust was what had caused all that stress in the first place. Well fuck it, it was over and she was happy.

Sandy took leave of his friends and sauntered over, Kirsten meeting him halfway and flinging her arms round his neck. They kissed in the courtyard, not an unusual occurrence in itself but it was rarely so obvious or lengthy. But hey, she was in that kind of mood today. They broke apart to wolf-whistles.

'Good afternoon to you too,' Sandy said appreciatively.

Kirsten blushed slightly. 'Hey.'

'I think we passed that point,' he teased.

She stuck her tongue out at him and they began walking in the direction of his mailtruck. Sandy kept giving her sideways glances as they made their way along the streets and through the park, obviously her mood was catching. His eyes burned and the hand he trailed down her shoulder to rest lightly at her waist, fingertips grazing the bare skin between her jeans and polo, made her shiver. She eyed him back, rewarded by a quickening in pace. The walk had never seemed so long.  
At long last they were in the street behind the college gym and it was Kirsten's turn to tease; winding herself around Sandy as he fumbled with the padlocks on the back of the van and then lingering on the steps, admiring the sky when he finally had the door open.

'Get in,' he growled.

She laughed and obliged, clambering up before turning round and raising an eyebrow at Sandy who was rather obviously admiring a rather different view.

'How did you know?'

'I know,' she told him, pulling him in after her, his lips already closing in on hers and his hands wandering before the door was barely closed.

Definitely a good start to the weekend.

.

'Sandy,' Kirsten murmured later, not really thinking but feeling like she had to tell him, if only to prove him wrong. The things he'd said were nagging her. The secret felt heavy in the air between them and she didn't like it. There were bigger things to hide, this she could reveal.

'Mmm?' he asked sleepily.

'I took a pregnancy test today.'

Sandy sat up so fast she thought he was having some kind of seizure. '…!...?...!' read his expression as he turned to look at her, mouth moving but no sound coming out. His disbelief that she could drop such a bombshell and yet remain snuggled peacefully underneath his blanket was evident.

Kirsten realised what it must have sounded like and put him out of his misery; 'It was negative.'

'Oh.' His breath came out in a raspy rush and she knew she'd given him a fright.

'I just…wanted to tell you… I didn't mean to scare you…sorry.'

'No,' he said, lying back down beside her. 'I'm sorry. I shouldn't have freaked. I just wasn't expecting that!'

She looked away, tears prickling at the back of her eyes. 'I shouldn't have said.'

Her boyfriend sighed, audibly, and she felt worse than ever. She was only trying to prove she trusted him and she'd managed to screw up. She felt his fingers pressing firmly against her chin, drawing her face back to him.

His eyes were soft, deep, blue and completely focused on her as he spoke. 'I know why you did and I'm touched. I love you. Pregnant or not you should never be scared to tell me anything.'

'I love you too,' she whispered back, blocking out thoughts of one thing she really couldn't tell him. She had barely swallowed the lump in her throat before he was kissing her and they began celebrating the start of the weekend again!

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So I lied when I said the fic was only a one-shot. But you know me. Never 10 words where you could have 10000, never a one-shot when you could have two! Not sure when I'll manage to post something new up but I am doing bits of things when I can so don't give up on me yet. Thanks for reading and please R&R

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